帮忙修改一篇简单的英语作文

kuaidi.ping-jia.net  作者:佚名   更新日期:2024-08-13
帮忙修改一篇英语作文

Everyone have a decent, if not a happy and fun childhood for the most. We hardly ever forget about our childhoods. Because it gives our lives meaning that we are most likely to remember for the rest of our lives.
I also have a content childhood. In my childhood, I live with my grandparents.They love me very much and almost, I could say, spoil me. They fill my heart with such warmth. I had many friends. We always play games together and I often obtain help for home and school work from them. Whenever I needed help,they would help me right away. I'm very lucky because I had my marvellous friends and supportive family with me.
I think my childhood is full of happiness. What do you think?

总的来说没什么大问题。不过看上去就是觉得怪怪的。我不知道你的文章是几年级的,但感觉有点生硬。 比如你写的那个取代了第三名的那句话,你就说他得了第三名就可以了,如果你想强调一下,就说 to our suprise 或其他词组来表示就行了。
还有,你再说最后一句话的时候,好歹也承接一下,加一句 this story is really a good testmony of the old saying.... 这样应该就自然一些吧
呵呵,说了这么多,希望你不要介意

让我冒昧就您这篇作文提几句意见:我认为好的作文并不能仅是把许多单句集合一起。在描述一件事时,句子应该顺畅达意,有连贯性。对同一事物,最好能避免使用千篇一律的文字或语句来表达。您的作文,如果把它翻译成中文,大概会是如下的样子:
这是我们的学校,欢迎您到来。体育馆[我猜您是指体育馆(gym,
gymnasium),
而不是gum
(橡皮糖,或橡胶)]
在花园后面,花园在图书馆旁边,图书馆在课室大楼前面,饭厅在课室大楼旁边,操场在校门和卫生间中间。学校很漂亮。
读起来是否有点“只是把单句集在一起”的感觉?
让我试试把文章改写如下,看您是否觉得比较好一点:
This
is
our
school.
I
would
like
to
welcome
you
to
our
school
by
introducing
to
you
the
facilities
in
our
school.
First,
we
have
a
magnificent
gymnasium
where
sport
events
take
place
throughout
the
school
year.
Next
to
the
gymnasium
is
our
school
garden.
Seasonal
flowers
and
plantations
in
the
garden
always
make
our
school
more
beautiful
and
more
appealing.
Our
library
is
located
next
to
the
garden
and
in
front
of
the
classroom
building.
After
the
classroom
building,
you
will
find
our
dining
hall
where
we
eat
our
lunch
everyday.
Let
me
also
introduce
you
to
the
playground
of
our
school.
This
is
the
place
where
we
play
games
and
the
place
for
formal
events.
The
playground
sits
between
the
gate
of
entrance
and
the
lavatory.
So
you
see,
we
have
a
big
and
charming
school
and
we
all
love
it
very
much.

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